Fighting Off Your Demons
by Maria Gv
Summary: Yet again I'm abusing Hilde! Let's see.. kinda dark.. depressing.. but then it's gots some love, happy feelings inside. Read.. cause the coupling I did are a bit strange but I enjoyed. Was to be a series, changed my mind.


**Ok, first off you should probably know this is AU and the characters are probably out of character. But then who cares. it's good to give them new different personalities because hey... we all know they can change. And just like more other Hilde fic... it's sad and depressing. there's hate and anger. Although the other one was worse. too bad it got deleted from FF.net. Maybe I should repost it. Hmmm. Read and Review. Give me feedback folks!  
  
FIGHTING OFF YOUR DEMONS  
  
By Maria/Gv  
  
Life was never a choice of mine, it was thrust upon me, so why should I remain in it? Why?  
  
I wish to die.  
  
  
  
Catherine ran her fingers through her hair and looked into her full length mirror. Her eyes were distant, as though thinking about something very important and her mouth was either downcast nor smiling. Trowa, her little brother, walked into her bedroom and looked at her for a moment. He cleared his throat to make his presence know to Catherine.  
  
She turns around and looks at him and then smiles.  
  
"What's the matter Trowa?" She asks him as she walks over to her bed and starts stripping the bed down.  
  
"Are you going out with Hilde today?" He asks her.  
  
"Yes, we're suppose to go to the movies and then to get something to eat. Why do you are?" She smiles at him, a little knowingly of what the answer really is.  
  
"I.. I just wanted to see if it were possible for me to come along with you both." Trowa trailed off as his sister walked around her room picking up dirty clothes and towels.  
  
"Well.I don't know, Trowa. This was kinda suppose to be just us girls. but maybe if you were to invite one of your friends it'll be possible." She smiled brightly up at him. "Maybe you could invite Heero to come along."  
  
Trowa narrowed his eyes at his sister. Catherine laughed and placed one hand on his shoulders.  
  
"Come on you can't be that upset with me having an interest in him now can you?" She winks at him.  
  
"You're too old for him." He said matter-of-factly.  
  
"Oh Trowa, you hurt my feelings." She waved her hand at him. "I'm just a little older than you both and I think it really is up to him whether he thinks of me as too old or not."  
  
Trowa sighed because he knew that he wouldn't have another way of going unless he asked Heero to tag along with them. "Fine," he mutters to her and leaves her room to go and call Heero up.  
  
Catherine twirled around her bedroom and sprayed on some of her favorite perfume.  
  
  
  
Heero sat on his patio reading a magazine on the latest and hottest video games. He'd grunt ever now and then at their lame slogans. He was getting into an interesting article on the latest shooting video game for the year when his phone rang. He jumped and threw the magazine down on the unoccupied chair across from him.  
  
"Hello." He held the phone cup to his ear and waited for it to be some telemarketer so he could tell them to leave him alone or he'd hunt them down.  
  
"Hey Heero. it's me, Trowa. I have a favor to ask you." Trowa waited for a response from Heero.  
  
"No, I will not tag along another one of your sisters dates." Heero said looking out at the sunny sky.  
  
"Heero. we're not going to be tagging along on one of her dates. She and Hilde are going to the movies. And. I uhh. thought maybe you'd like to go cause. uhh. we can." Trowa said sounding slightly nervous.  
  
"Trowa, don't give me that load of crap. I know you want to go so you can be near Hilde and you're sister is twisting your arm by saying you can go only if I tag along. I can read you both like books." Heero sighed. "I don't have time to help you play match maker with yourself."  
  
"Heero. come on! Please. I'll help you out with whatever you want. I'll do what you want. well as long as it doesn't cost me my life and stuff."  
  
Heero thought for a moment and then nodded to himself. "Very well. but you shall pay me back. I mean it. Where should I meet you three then?"  
  
Trowa told him to meet them down town at the mega big movie theatre and explained that they were going to end up there because it was very close to Red Rum Café, which his sister loved.  
  
After getting off the phone Heero walked up stairs to his room and looked through his closet for some clean clothes. He settled on some black jeans and a navy blue t-shirt, he was in no mood to dress to "impress" as people always told him. He walked into his bathroom and jumped into the shower.  
  
  
  
Trowa was combing his hair and putting some gel in it. He smoothed out his shirt and tucked it into his jeans. He hoped he looked noticeable. Catherine walked in behind him and whistled. Trowa's cheeks went a slight color of pink but he still glared at his sister. "Looking hot Trowa!" Catherine circled him once and smiled. "You should just spit it out already. I just can't believe she's dense enough to not notice how much you seem to like her."  
  
Catherine shook her head for a moment and then shrugged. "Well lets go. Heero is probably waiting for us."  
  
  
  
Heero stood in front of the Twight Movie Theatre waiting for his friends to show up. He smirked to himself when a group of girls would walk past him and giggle. He still had it, he thought to himself over and over.  
  
'Yeah now if I could only get what I want.' he scolded himself and continued to look around. He was looking at the list of movies that were currently running for the fourth time, when Hilde walked out from the crowd and walked over to him.  
  
"Heero." she whispers so lightly Heero jumps.  
  
"You shouldn't talk so low. you sound like a ghost!" Heero practically shouted to the whole world.  
  
She just stared at him and nodded. Heero sometimes freaked out with Hilde, she was very strange. With each passing day it seemed to Heero that she grew weirder and weirder. Trowa for some reason liked her a lot. Heero still never understood why.  
  
"I suppose you were roped into being here, Heero." Hilde said not so low this time.  
  
Heero moved his wait to his right leg and nodded. "Catherine wouldn't have let Trowa come if I wasn't present."  
  
Heero took the time to look over Hilde while she looked down the street to her left. She was wearing a black velvety looking skirt that went up to her knees and then a loose fitting black blouse with shimmering glitter at the collar and cuffs on the sleeves. Her hair had grown a lot since last month, reaching her shoulder blades now. She changed the way she looked everyday, for example today she was wearing black eyeliner and had put on some dark shades of eyeshadow. She had also colored her lips with a black lipstick shade. Heero wondered if she was really insane and had plans to kill people he stared at her too long. He looked away after that thought.  
  
Hilde ran her fingers through her hair and sighed. 'I should have asked Catherine to have Trowa invite Duo as well. Although Trowa doesn't hang around Duo very much. I wonder how he's doing today.'  
  
Trowa and Catherine came walking up to the other two at that moment. Catherine smiled at Heero and grabbed his arm. "So did you pick out a movie for us Heero?" Heero felt annoyed but tried to act normal.  
  
"You shouldn't hang on to people like that Catherine. it's rude. " Trowa called out to her.  
  
Hilde smiled a bit and looked at Trowa. "She doesn't care. her job is to simple be a big flirt. Come on Trowa, lets find out what we're watching today."  
  
They walked after the other two.  
  
  
  
Trowa sat next to Hilde in the movie theatre feeling a little bit nervous and discouraged because Hilde didn't even bother looking at him once they sat down. She didn't talk much when he was trying to talk to her.  
  
From the corner of his eye he saw that Heero had his hands busy. His sister was busy holding on to one and then poking at his stomach, which caused Heero to keep swatting at her hand with his other. Trowa sighed heavily.  
  
Hilde glanced over at Trowa who was sighing loudly again. "Is something bothering you? Or do you just not like the movie?" She mentally slapped herself because her voice sounded awfully rude. 'It's no wonder I don't have many friends.'  
  
Trowa shifted in his seat. "I'm sorry. I. have a few things swimming in my head and then seeing my sister latching herself like a leech to Heero annoys me."  
  
Hilde glanced over at Catherine and Heero. Her left eye twitched. Catherine had her hand up Heero's shirt and he was glaring at her and saying something. She only laughed.  
  
She turned back to look at Trowa. "Maybe we should leave. she's going to get us all into trouble."  
  
Trowa looked at her a bit sad because he knew she was enjoying the movie and he didn't want her to be in a bad mood. "Hold on." He sighed again but knew he had to do this. He stood up and walked in front of Catherine. "Move to where I was sitting. NOW." He hissed at her.  
  
Catherine narrowed her eyes at him, but then rolled her eyes and shrugged. She got up and sat down in the seat he had been sitting on. Trowa sat down next to Heero. Now instead of being next to Hilde there was two seats in between them.  
  
"I'm sorry Heero.." He whispers leaning close to Heero.  
  
"Forget about it. I know how wild your sister can get. I knew this would happen, but I wanted you to be able to spend some sort of time with Hilde." Heero whispers back to him. They both glance at Hilde to see if she had noticed or heard them discussing her. She was focused on the movie and Catherine seemed to be paying attention now as well. They sat back and relaxed.  
  
  
  
After the movie they walked out, Catherine leeching on to Heero's arm smiling brightly. Trowa and Hilde were side by side, but Hilde looked pensive. Trowa was puzzled over what was on her mind.  
  
"OK! Time to go and eat. How about some sandwiches?" Catherine asked her silent friends.  
  
"I'm fine with whatever you all choice." Hilde mutters.  
  
Heero shrugged and looked slightly annoyed at Catherine. She smiled some more at Heero.  
  
"Sounds good, sis. So let's go already." Trowa started walking down the street, knowing very well the shop with the best sandwiches. He didn't care if they didn't go to the Red Rum Café at that moment. His sister always was changing her mind. Hilde came up to walk along side him, with Heero and Catherine behind them.  
  
"You look as though something is troubling you now Hilde." Trowa said in a hushed voice.  
  
Hilde looked up at him and then to the sky. "The weather is much like my heart. Our moods are always the same. If I am suffering the weather sheds tears, tears we know as rain. When I am in a dark mood the weather is cloudy and dark. When I am at peace or happy, then there will be a gentle breeze or a sunny day. Sometimes as the day goes on. we are emotions change."  
  
Trowa looked at the sky as well. It was cloudy, and not just gray cloudy. The clouds were huge and black, gray and some white. The air was cold and there seemed to be some light flashing through the clouds. He turned to look at Hilde, who was still looking at the sky as they walked.  
  
"Do. you want to talk about it?" He asked her cautiously. She shook her head.  
  
"There really isn't much to say. It's just the same old life woes."  
  
Heero and Catherine had fallen a bit behind so Trowa placed his left hand on Hilde's shoulders. "If you should need someone to talk to. let me know. Unlike my sister I listen to people." He rubbed her back a little bit and then let his hand drop back to his side.  
  
Hilde stared at him for a long moment and then back straight a head of her, nodding slightly.  
  
  
  
After their lunch everyone returned home, or ran off to do other things. Trowa had hoped he could bargain some more time with Hilde but he knew she had a lot of thinking and didn't want to bother her. Heero was relieved to be able to get a way from Catherine. Trowa was walking with him to his house, they had left his sister at their house door. Catherine warned Trowa not to be late in coming back, the weather wasn't looking too good.  
  
"So did you enjoy you practically silent time with Hilde?" Heero says sarcastically.  
  
"She had a lot on her mind. I didn't want to babble on and on like my sister does." Trowa sat down on Heero's couch. "I told her if she needed someone to talk to, to let me know. She said a very strange thought to me today about the weather and her. So it's been on my mind a lot."  
  
Heero looked him over. "Well what exactly did she say?"  
  
Trowa stared at the ceiling "She said her heart and the weather are the same. That their emotions are the same. And so then I was thinking then this bad weather we're getting may mean that's she's not feeling well or something. Something has to be troubling her. I am surprised she said that to me."  
  
Heero nodded. "And it could be for a poem."  
  
Trowa looked at him frowning. "She's not simply saying it for that. Hilde is different. She says things honestly and just in a cryptic manner."  
  
"Well she's your fascination, not mine so whatever works for you." Heero walked to the kitchen to grab them both some sodas.  
  
  
  
Hilde walked into her silent empty apartment. Because of all the clouds the rooms were extremely dark. She laughed at that fact because her mood wasn't very sunny. She walked over to the silhouette of her couch. She sat down and laid her head back.  
  
"Maybe I should get a dog." She said into the shadows. "Maybe then it'll be worth coming back home. I'll have something to watch over."  
  
'More like something to watch over me, ne?' She thought to herself. Hilde shook her head not wanting to fight her demons at that moment.  
  
"I'm tired of your intrusions." Hilde said out loud again. "Leave me alone."  
  
Her phone suddenly rang and she jumped out of her skin. She reached for where the phone was and answered.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hilde. hey it's me." Her heart leaped into her mouth. 'Duo.'  
  
"Hi, Duo. How are you doing?" She smiled softly to the phone.  
  
"Oh the same stuff. I was calling because I am planning on going to a big racing tournament at the end of this month and was wondering if you could help me with the money problem." He said excitedly, yet hopeful.  
  
"How long are you going to be gone?" Hilde said her heart shattering.  
  
"Oh about a month, unless I make it big here. Then I may be gone a whole lot longer." He said to her.  
  
"How much longer?" She asked him, her heart sinking further away.  
  
"Well. I don't know, maybe six. eight months."  
  
Hilde felt as though all the air had left her. "Oh."  
  
"So do you think you could lean me some money. If I do get to make it far, I'll be sure to invite you to the next few races I am in. We'll get to travel a lot Hilde! Aren't you excited?" Duo shouted into the phone. "Maybe then we can make it a more serious relationship. maybe get married."  
  
Hilde's heart floated upwards a little. "Umm. I don't know what to say."  
  
"Say you're help me out!" He said happily.  
  
"Ok. just tell me how much and I'll send it to you." She said.  
  
  
  
Trowa was walking home when the rain started pouring down heavily on him. He started running down the sidewalk, seeing as he was nearly home when the rain began.  
  
"Rain is good.. but I don't think it's this good." He ran into the house and stood by the door way. "Hey Catherine, could you bring me a towel."  
  
"Sure thing, Tro." Catherine came walking down the stairs with two towels in hand. "How is Heero?"  
  
"Trying to get over you squeezing his arm so much." Catherine laughed and went into the living room to watch some tv.  
  
"Hey!" Trowa walked into the living room to see Catherine looking at the back of the television.  
  
"What's wrong?" He asks.  
  
"We're not getting a connection or something. look" She moved away from the television. The screen was nothing but static. "And look." She changed the channel and still the same thing, every channel she turned to.  
  
"We must be about to have the biggest storm this year." Trowa said looking out the window. 'I wonder if Hilde is ok.'  
  
  
  
Why does it hurt so much? Why can't I get things straight? Why can't I do something about it? Why is it everything falls apart? Why am I always alone? Why did I let myself believe that he could care about me?  
  
  
  
Trowa lay on his bed staring at the ceiling and thinking about Hilde's behavior. Not only today but the last couple of days. 'She's been awfully quiet. actually she turned deadly quiet and started changing her looks ever since her and Duo had broken up. He isn't someone I would want Hilde to be with. He lives in a world all of his own and he's been using her ever since they were together.' Trowa rolled on to his side. 'He was cheating on her. I still remember seeing him with Relena. He had her sitting on his lap and his hand was doing god knows what under her skirt.'  
  
"I just wish. she would see me and trust me more." He said out loud. 'Her parents died when she was eight, if I remember correctly. And she's been pretty much alone since. Maybe that is why her and Duo had gotten a long so while back when they first dated.'  
  
'I don't think he ever hurt her in any way. not from what I could tell. If I find out otherwise..'  
  
'Maybe I should call her.' He sat up and grabbed his phone. He dialed her number and held his breathe. The phone rang about ten times but no one answered. The answering machine picked up. Trowa set the phone down. 'Something is wrong. I know it.'  
  
He got up, grabbed his jacket and umbrella and ran downstairs and out the door.  
  
  
  
Hilde was sitting at her computer finishing up the transaction from her account into Duo's. She cared a lot for him but sometimes he made her feel bad because he was off doing his races and other things. She felt confused.  
  
'He doesn't care about you that way! And you know it. But you continue to give him money and other things. You are stupid.'  
  
"Stop talking to me. You don't understand him. he has his dream of becoming a racer. He wants to make sure he can support a wife."  
  
'He was nothing more than a friend. That is until he found out how easy you were. and he just started using you like there was nothing you wouldn't do for him. And he's right, there isn't anything you wouldn't do for him.'  
  
Hilde shut down her computer and walked over to the kitchen. "You annoy me." She said monotone like.  
  
'Shut me up. you do it only because you know it's all true.'  
  
  
  
Duo sat back in his chair. 'Maybe I should tell her that things won't work out for us. I shouldn't lead her on this way. I shouldn't use her. It's wrong. but then I feel as though if I tell her all this and shut her out from her dreams it'll hurt her more than me using her.'  
  
Duo sighed heavily and looked at his computer screen. 'She sent the money. I can go race now.' He closed his eyes. "But suddenly I don't feel up to it.. I can't take her money any more.' He began sending it back to her account, along with an email of apology.  
  
  
  
Hilde pulled out a knife and started cutting into her right shoulder. The pain and burning sensations were drowning everything out. The demon and the pain in her heart. Yes, she knew Duo was just using her and he didn't really care about her that way. That was why they had broken up a year ago, but she loved him a lot and didn't want to let go. She told him they could work things out and maybe a small time apart would help. The small time was already over a year. Nothing had really changed besides him always asking him for money or something.  
  
"I hate you. I hate the pain I feel. I hate everyone."  
  
'You. hate yourself. more than anyone.' the voice whispered.  
  
"Yes." She looked at the blood that was running down her arm. "I shouldn't be here any more. My suffering can stop now."  
  
It was very quiet in her apartment and head.  
  
  
  
I am such a fool. He couldn't understand. The pain is eating me away. He is right. I allow myself to wallow in my own evil self hatred. If I don't kill myself, it eventually will. I don't care. And I'm tired. so very tired.  
  
  
  
Hilde walked to her bathroom and took off her clothes. She turned on the shower and took a towel out of the closet. She laid the towel on the towel rack and stepped into the warm spray of water.  
  
She sighed slightly. She was feeling a little more calm. She knew what she wanted and how to get about doing it.  
  
"Water should help make my skin more tender for cutting." She said out loud.  
  
She finished showing and wrapped the towel around herself. She walked into her bedroom and picked up the knife she had been using.  
  
  
  
Trowa walked fast down the side walk with his umbrella over his head. He was nervous. 'I can't help feeling that something was wrong with Hilde. And something worse is bothering or happening to her now.'  
  
He knew he was getting close to her apartment, but to him it felt as though he was too late. He was scared.  
  
'Please just let everything be ok. She has to be alright.' Trowa opened the door walked in between the apartments making his way to hers.  
  
  
  
She carried the knife with her to her computer. "I should send Duo a letter."  
  
'What about the others? Don't you think they desire to know why you're foolish.'  
  
"Perhaps you're right about that." She said. She began typing a small letter to Duo, when he computer buzzed at her saying she had a new message waiting for her. She saved her email and went to retrieve the new message. Her heart skipped a beat when she was it was from Duo. She opened it right away and read it.  
  
Tears filled her eyes and her chest began to hurt. "He doesn't love me. and he's sorry."  
  
'.at least now you see what I was talking about.'  
  
Hilde moved away from her computer. 'What are you going to do? You have chance to stop being such a waste of space here.'  
  
"Exactly." Hilde said emotionless.  
  
'Fool!'  
  
  
  
Trowa pounded up the stair well towards Hilde's apartment on the third floor. He wished these apartment had elevators.  
  
'Time is ticking away from me. blasted stairs!' He reached the third floor and ran down the concrete path to her door. He pounded on her door.  
  
"Hilde?!" He shouted. Some of her neighbors looked out their doors at him. "Open the door!"  
  
  
  
Hilde had the knife pressed into her right arm. She had just sliced the wrist of her left arm, before realizing that she had sliced it the wrong way and wasn't going to die. In order to make sure she would bleed to death she was cutting into her right arm vertically. She had a bubble of joy floating inside her chest at the feeling of heaviness she was getting.  
  
She hadn't even cut deeply into her right arm, when the pounding on her door started. She dropped the knife at the first sound of it.  
  
She heard his voice calling her. "Trowa." She whispered.  
  
'Trowa has come to save you.'  
  
"You're putting illusions into my head again. leave me alone." Hilde picked up the knfe again and went back to doing what she was doing.  
  
'He cares a lot about you. You're going to hurt him so much.'  
  
"Shut up!" She hissed. "He doesn't care. He's not there. You're toying with me."  
  
  
  
Trowa couldn't help buy continue to beat at the door brutally. She wasn't answering. He was becoming scared and desperate to get inside. "Hilde, please. open the door." His voice was cracking. He was breathing so hard, the neighbors were beginning to think he was insane.  
  
He couldn't take it any more. He stepped back and kicked at the door. The hinges creaked as the door began to break off from it's hold to the concrete walls. He kicked again and it moved some more.  
  
'Once more. with all I've got.' Trowa practically threw himself into the door on the last kick, but the door fell to the ground. He lay on the floor but jumped to his feet and ran inside the apartment flicking on the lights.  
  
Hilde was on the floor of the living room, blood around and on her. Her eyes were half shut and staring at him.  
  
"Are you real..?" She said.  
  
"Yes. Hilde." He rushed to her side and looked her over.  
  
She fell unconscious.  
  
  
  
Maybe with a little courage and strength, everything will be alright.  
  
  
  
Hilde woke up and looked around. The walls were pink and the air smelled of medicine and something sweet. Next to her was a big vase full of roses of all shades. She smiled. Where had the roses come from and where exactly was she, she wondered. She sat up making her head spin a little.  
  
She looked at the door and realized she was in the hospital. She turned to the left when she heard a soft snore. Trowa was sitting on a chair next to her bed with his hand resting on her leg.  
  
Trowa woke up when she adjusted her position to look at him. He smiled warily at her. "Hilde. don't do that every again." His voice cracked.  
  
"What happened?" She said. "I remember falling asleep."  
  
Trowa cleared his throat. "You were trying to kill yourself and fell unconscious."  
  
Everything started coming back to her. "I remember." She shut her eyes, feeling a bit of pain in her heart. "Duo doesn't love me. and I was feeling so much pain."  
  
Trowa got angry. "Did he do something to you?"  
  
Hilde looked at him and shook her head. "He was honest." She gave Trowa a small smile and touched his hand. He took it into his own. "I don't hurt that much any more. Thank you, Trowa."  
  
Trowa kissed her hand. "I love you, Hilde." She smiled and squeezed his hand.  
  
THE END.  
  
**I started this intro part a long while back ago. And today (Jan. 14th) I was "blessed" to be put into a dark mood after having a fight with a good friend of mine, who I secretly love so much and care a lot about. But that's life. And then with everything going on with my upcoming move to Florida. yeah. Lots of emotions floating around inside of me. And only in words can I sometimes express them so well. Hope you enjoyed this and can tell me what you thought. Don't ask me how I decided to create this love thing with Trowa and Hilde. Just did. But I thought it was kinda cute.. and besides for once it's not a yaoi fic. Heh.. And it's not Relena and Trowa. although I can't believe I put Duo with her. Argh. REVIEW, please!! Thanks. ^_^  
  
P.s. I apologize if I made Catherine a bit too. crazy and like we all may picture Relena. Oh wells though. 


End file.
